TOO MUCH INFO...

If you don't want to read about diahrea and poo...STOP reading now. I am seriouse, I warned you. And stephanie, I know you will read this more that once you'll like it so much.
Today I went to the GI to get a checkup on some symptoms related to Celiacs disease, the usual, runs, squirts, pain, blood...delightful. Also gas. A lot of gas. I am giving you the readers digest version. by the way. The doc talks to me for a half hour about my symtoms, one of my personal favorite subjects to share with strangers...I suppose it's different if you're talking to a doctor...anyway, I go to the lab where the blood is drawn, but I also have to do a stool sample...for some reason it didn't register while I was in the doctors office...how on EARTH do I collect a sample of stool....EWE. So The people at the lab give me this ginormous paper bag filled with supplies...I look inside. A white plastic cowboy-ish shaped hat, gloves, a tongue depressor, a cup with a lid and a plastic baggie. Huh? So I ask, um...I've never done this before, mind you there are other people in the waiting room, and there was no counter type desk, just an office-type desk, and the waiting room is totally open. To make matters more interesting James (John's brother) is in the waiting room as well, I know small world, he and I happened to be in the same lab at the same time, small small world. So the man at the desk tells me how to "use the tools for collecting a specimen" that are found in the paper bag. he says I have to bring the "sample" into the lab within 2 hours of collecting it. Well with my current situation I can pretty much "go" at any time, so I ask if I can just "collect" it here and not have to come back. He looked at me really funny and said I wasn't aloud to "collect that kind of a sample" in the lab bathroom, but that I could use the public potty on the same floor and just bring back my "specimen". Lovely. So after I get my blood drawn, I cheerfully take my giant paper bag into the Loo to "collect my specimen". Here's how the thing works, the white hat isn't actually a hat at all, but it's like a special poo catcher that you set on top of the toilet seat to assist in the process. And they tell me I can't let any urine in the sample or they will reject it. So not wanting to have my "sample" rejected for fear of having to repeat this lovely process I am very careful. I go. Any ideas what the tongue depressor is for? Yep...scoop it into the cup, seal it up, label it and voila...done. But what do I do with the soiled hat? It was yucky. No fun, I put it in the restroom trash can...gross. So then I am carrying this warm cup of yuck I had just passed, and everyone in the office knew I was going through this, I come parading back into the lab with my collected sample, people are trying not to snicker, myself included. I hope I never have to do that again. How would you like to be the one to recieve and analyze such "samples". who in their right mind? Anyway, I also have to have a colonoscopy and endoscopy on the same day in a few weeks. joy. wish me luck. Sorry if that was tmi...